Monday, August 17, 2009

Classic Disney Plots: Condensed Versions

I am an adult who appreciates a good cartoon. I love all of the Pixar movies, especially. But it has been a super long time since I have seen a "classic" Disney film. Here is what I can remember about a few of them.

Beauty and the Beast: A beautiful girl gets kidnapped by a monster with an anger problem, and is kept against her will in a morbid, dark old mansion that is infested with enchanted household furniture and dishes. A bunch of stuff happens after that.

Little Mermaid: A gorgeous teenage mermaid falls in love with a hot guy on dry land who doesn't notice her because she's a mermaid. She runs - no, swims - away from her strict, mean father, and gets tricked by a giant squid in a black dress into trading in her voice for a pair of legs.

Snow White: Seven short miners protect a hot chick from a youth and beauty obsessed stalker who talks to mirrors.

Sleeping Beauty: A king and queen place their infant daughter in foster care to protect her from death via spinning wheel. Growing up sheltered in a secluded Forest hut and raised by three absurd foster moms, her only friends are birds, squirrels, bunnies, kittens, puppies, fishes, bugs, and little foxes. She falls in love with the first guy she meets, who just happens to be a buff and blond princeling who sings well, to boot.

Peter Pan: Three siblings in their Pyjamas are kidnapped by a kid in tights with a bad attitude. They are stalked by a clinically insane pirate wanna-be with one hand, and his crew of equally crazy ship mates. Things get really complicated when Wendy's mothering instincts threaten the jealous, uber cute pixie, Tinkerbell, who happens to have a crush on the immature punk in green tights.

Bambi: A baby deer's mother gets harvested by hunters in the woods and is left to fend for himself. He makes friends with other forest animals like bunnies, and skunks. The other deer bully him, but he grow up to be big and tough and gets his revenge.

(I don't know about anyone else, but I am a little disturbed about the amounts of kidnapping and stalking in these films.)

1 comment:

Herb of Grace said...

Cynical much? Confess it, you're just getting all crochety in your old age. Next thing you know you'll be yelling at kids to get off your lawn!!